Ella Lauser is a new paradigm sexual health and wellness coach, writer, speaker and energetic healer. But perhaps most importantly she is the sister you probably never had!

At an early age, Ella had the unique opportunity to be a confidant and support system for many people. With wisdom, humor, and openness passed down to her from her bisexual grandma, Ella received a rich education. In 2000 at UC Santa Cruz she began The I Want Sex Club (I.W.S.C.) for students who wanted to talk about sex in a non-judgmental, supportive forum. Shortly thereafter, she graduated with a Sociology B.A. from UCLA, and then went on to teach comprehensive sexual health education to high school classrooms throughout Los Angeles Unified School District.

Now, Ella is finally working on a book that will share her insights on sexuality and in the interim she's offering exclusive private one-on-one coaching packages, providing the perfect space for women to become empowered emotionally and sexually, discovering what they want, how to ask for it and most importantly how to receive it. It's her greatest passion to be of service and offer you the tools, understanding and support to check in and be with what you really are, - amazing and beautiful!

Scratch Ella's Back So She Can Scratch Yours

This site runs on your donations, please support Miss Ella by making a little click and sending a dollar or twenty her way so she can keep researching and responding to all of your questions. Thank you!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

You Asked, You Wanted to Know...

Quite a few folks such as yourselves wrote me that they were uber grateful for my help and wanted to give back by sending some financial love my way.  One girl in particular said, "I'm not really interested in being a coaching client right now but I really want to pay you for your advice, it's priceless."
Wow, thank you. 
Or another one, a personal favorite- "So, Ella, I tip my bartender twenties every week for listening to me rant and to pour me drinks... The advice on UTIs and dipping and dabbing you've given is like, a thousand times more valuable than all the dirty martinis I sucked down this year.  How can I tip YOU for all your awesome tips?"
Okay, okay I get it.  THANK YOU, I'm super honored yet again.  In addition to just going all mushy inside, I thought how silly of me that I didn't think to make it possible for you all to give back to me (awww the art of receiving that often escapes even  the best of us).  It's true, I spend hours researching and thoughtfully preparing responses for you (thank you to all 20 one of you who have written me this week alone)! 

I so appreciate your appreciation and if you want to make a contribution to Go Ask Ella please do so!
Consider yourself high-fived! 

huge thank you for the already received donations from Canada, NYC (woo hooo Brooklyn), Austin TX (thanks for staying weird and sassy), Los Angeles, gay Paris, Boston, San Francisco and South Korea.

A special shout out to Peter M, Niki D, Beth B, Dawn B, my Ambers, Elizabeth, Amy, Kim, Jacqueline, David, Dina, Mama Kia, Ashley, Monique, Christopher, Pam, Dr. Deb, Rosario, Deb S., Yogi, Russell, Liza, David James, Vidya, Sierra, Lauren, David T, Gina, Melanie, James, Riley, Hillary, Max, Christine, Mary, Uti, Marcy, DeFracia, Deb B., Mei Wei, Claire, Jeannie, Brion, Fabiano, James, Maria, Scott, Leah, and Heather!  Thank you for being such amazing, inspiring, supporting angels!!!!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Befriending Anal Sex...

Question of the Week...

Dear Ella,

My boyfriend really wants to have anal sex and I don't know how
and I'm nervous and scared.  Isn't that dirty?
What should I do?


Dearest Emily,

Trying something new is always a little intimidating because we don't know what it will be like, feel like, and when it comes to the butt- well, it's an even more mysterious erotic zone.
This topic is a hot one and instead of writing a book about it (hmmm excellent idea, I'll start that sometime in 2011) I decided to answer your question with a video response from yours truly.
I want you to know that being nervous or scared is common and it's really important to check in with yourself about why you want/don't want to do something.
Anal sex is a really intimate, beautiful experience if you approach it with care and communication.  Being open to doing something with your partner that they want is great and a huge reason why you choose to be in partnership- to explore ourselves with another person and learn our likes and dislikes.  I just ask that you make sure you're enjoying the process and you're not just doing something to please your partner- anal sex can really be super enjoyable on both ends. ;-)  You've just got to relax and open up.

Also, in case you're wondering and you didn't already read Operation: Happy Lady... the easiest way to get warmed up for anal sex is doggy style (on your hands and knees).  What's recommended is starting out with regular penis to vagina sex while you rub just above your vagina with your fingers.  Clitoral and vaginal stimulation warm up the body and get the juices flowing.  While your partner's penis is penetrating you vaginally, have him begin to apply pressure with his thumb/fingers on the opening to your rectum and apply some lubricant to the area.  This is a great way to rev the engine for an anal voyage.  Like a car that's been sitting still on a winter's night, you gotta give it a little love and warm it up before you roll out onto the highway at 70 MPH.  Take it nice and slow.

And, just to make sure I'm extra clear- it's fine to go from touching/playing with the vagina and then move to the rectum, just not the other way around.  That goes for fingers, penis, mouth.  Keep 'em separate to avoid bringing unwanted bacteria to the vagina/urethra.  Oh and for those with penises ;-)  be sure to wash with warm water and a very gentle soap after putting yourself up up and away in the anal canal.  Fresh and so clean, clean- does a body good!

***afterthought on aftermath anal sex ;-)
This morning I received a question about what's to be expected if a male partner ejaculates inside the anus...  Great question!  The anal canal's job is push out what remains so most people experience the sensation of needing a little potty time, excellent do do do do (I love Wayne's World, sorry)!
In plain English, expect that what goes in will want to come back out, sometimes immediately after the penis exits.  Don't push yourself to have a bowel movement, be really gentle and wash a little bit with warm water after.  It may feel like gas and in most cases it will be a shart of sorts (a wet fart).  We've got bodies, they do what they do, be grateful and don't be embarrassed, a lot of air and what not was just pushed inside so it's totally normal!! 
Try to avoid using soap since you'll be super sensitive and engorged.  And remember, wipe front to back!  Shower anyone?  And take your time going anywhere, I'd give it an hour or so.  Best of luck!!!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

How To Put On A Male Condom...

It occurred to me recently that a lot of people, of all ages, don't know how to properly use a condom.  When teaching sex ed in 9th grade health classes, this was always the talk that got the most attention from students.  I think it's so crucial to approach sex with truth, humor and open-mindedness.
Now, there are so many varieties of birth control out there, it's up to you to choose what's right for your body, lifetstyle, etc.  however, the male condom seems to be a very happy and readily available option for folks playing with penises.  Being informed is always a good idea, so check out my video below:

Oh and one thing I didn't mention in the video is always put the male condom on the penis when it's erect not when it's soft.  Once a girl asked me what to do if the guy is too excited already and cums when the condom is being put on.  Well, not too worry, it's quite common -some guys just don't know their body well enough to control their release and by the time the condom arrives he's on the edge.  Solution, wait about ten - twenty minutes and encourage him and bust out a new condom.  Ouila! 
If you have questions, comments please feel free to leave them below or for a quicker response email me directly at goaskella@gmail.com!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Help Too Much Sex! And I Don't Wanna Get Antibiotics!

Question of the Week...

Dearest Ella - 
I've had too much sex!  Help! I can feel a UTI [Urinary Tract/Bladder Infection] coming on I am so not looking forward to going to the doctor and getting antibiotics for this - . damn all the good sex I've been having lately.
I feel tender and it burns a little when I pee already.  I want to be conscious of the chemicals I put into my body so I was wondering if you knew of any home remedies or chemical free treatments? Its not bad, yet... I just know it's going to happen! Help me!!!

~Beth B. in Boston

Dear Beth B.,

Ahh honeymoon cystitis is upon you!  It's so easy for us ladies to get agitated after some serious bumping and grinding... our equipment is so sensitive and unfortunately, the urethra (the tube where we pee) opens out just beneath our clitoris and it is too short of a tube in my opinion.  It doesn't take too long of a walk for bacteria to make its way up and over to the bladder.  Boo!

Well, for you and for the rest of you reading this, I want to reiterate that I am not a licensed gynecological doctor, however I've taught enough sex ed and spent enough time exploring remedies for UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections aka bladder/tubing of bladder ouchiness) to know A LOT about it.  Rest assured, I've got you covered... I've gotten this question for YEARS & I've done at least 20 years of research on this particular arena as I got my first UTI when I was 10 years old (no, I wasn't getting busy with partners yet- just had a bit too much fun with jacuzzi jets LOL).  Now, if that's not raw and real, I don't know what is!  But I digress...

My nursing friends would squawk if I didn't say this, so I'm going to ... UTI symptoms can also be symptoms for sexually transmitted infections like gonorrhea so be conscious of that.  I don't know if this is a new partner or if you've had many but it's always a good idea to be aware of.  Gonorrhea tends to have a bit more of a gooey and gorey discharge situation FYI but it can totally be taken care of with antibiotics should that be your situation.
I don't think people realize we're full of bacteria, and it's normal healthy bacteria.  So, ladies, when you get a new partner, their healthy bacteria could raise the eyebrows of your immune system (it's not recognized as yours so it attacks).  It's common to get a little inflamed, don't worry.   Plus, friction is friction- all that hair, skin and heat- ay yay yay!

So what to do if you're ouchie and don't want antibiotics???

I so appreciate your desire to check out other options aside from antibiotics, those babies do a real number on your system.  Our bodies are a lot smarter than we realize and there are herbs and more traditional alternative methods that have been helping us out long before the FDA pharmaceuticals were.  FYI The last time I received antibiotics for a UTI it ended up making it worse (and since then I've used the following which clears up my symptoms within a week or so)...
  • An amazing urinary tract super helper and healer is Uristatin by a company called Thorne.  Take 2x in the AM and 2x in the PM  Click here to order online
  • Oil of Oregano (liquid form in vegetarian capsules), same amount as the Uristatin. It's a natural antibiotic!  Click here to order online
  • Pure natural Cranberry juice (not Oceanwave, you want 100% juice, not flavored sugar water) and lots of water, pee pee pee out what's bothering ya!
  • Cut back on sugar intake (breads, yeasts, vinegars, acidic fruits, white rice, etc.). Your system is on overload already so it helps to pull back on the sweets and acids especially if you want to avoid the oh-not-so-fun yeast infection that is often just a stone's throw away
  • Practice  some good ol' yoga or some kind of physical activity that will cause sweating of toxins from heat building movement

Try that and in two days, you should feel better.  Oh, and if you've not stopped - don't have sex for a few days or gasp, a week (you can do it, I believe in you!).  If your irritation and pain is not decreasing by the end of the week, listen to your body and see a doc but I'd go with an acupuncturist or a Candida cleanse before I'd go to an M.D. Personally, I used Aqua Flora, it transformed my health and  I highly recommend it if you're a chronic UTI/yeast getter.  Click here for more about Aqua Flora

Lastly, I'd like to offer a little bonus love for my ladies, if your mama nor your doc told you, listen up!!!!

Here are five super simple hygiene and happiness tips to help you now and later from the ouch of a UTI (and following them just makes your sex life and your body super stoked):

  1. Drink lots of water, depending on your weight it varies but try for two big bottles a day(about 68 oz). Be green, don't buy water that comes in a plastic bottle.   Mountain Valley Spring water is my favorite!
  2. Wipe front to back when you use the loo.  (Ahem, if you're messing around with the booty, please don't double dip because the front of you doesn't like it.  Wash the penis/finger/toy before moving from front to back or designate one hand for each side).
  3. ALWAYS pee before but especially after sex to clear out anything that might have pushed up into the urethra.
  4. Strengthen your super femme muscles, kegel it up! No, not a bagel- a kegel.  Squeeze when you pee to stop the stream, that's the muscle you use- and do kegel crunches (squeeze and release) like 25-100 a day to do the body good.  You'll love me for this, and so will your partner!
  5. And lastly, squeeze that kegel power when you orgasm so you don't torch your organs with all that heat and energy- bring it back up into your whole body.  Yee haw!